Over the last few years, since moving into my current home, I have started to give in to the realization that I can’t do everything on my own.
It’s been forever and a day since I last wrote here. Hard to believe a month has passed by already!
I have been without pets for almost 2 years now. I had to have my sweet puppy put to sleep in July 2019. It was one of the hardest, most heartbreaking things that I have had to do in my life. I still miss him very much and wish he were still with me.
It has been warm, sunny and beautiful outside. My curtains have been opened, the space heaters turned off, and my mood has greatly improved! I hadn’t been aware that the freezing temperatures would have such an effect on my mood.
It’s Valentine’s Day. That singular day of the year that reminds me I’m shitty at finding soulmates.
I try my hardest to not let things drag me down. I try super hard to control my situations that I can control. I have learned how to detatch from those situations that I can’t control and cannot affect to prevent myself from being overrun with anxiety. It is a weird thing for me to do as it has been against the nature of who I have been growing up. I was forever tormented by the “What ifs”. I still am, but I try to shut those things up pretty fast.
I suffer from exectuive dysfunction. It is frustrating, disappointing and annoying.
When I was younger and thinking about how my life would be, I can be 100% certain this is not what I pictured.
We had our first snow of the year. I love snow. I don’t think I will ever not like snow. Last week, we got 8 inches of it. Outside of the 36 inches we got one year all in one night, that is the most snow that has fallen since I moved here 5 years ago.
Since about August, I have been battling depression. Thanks to a long legacy of mental illness, just in my mother’s lineage alone, it is a condition that I have been in and out of most of my life.