I have been without pets for almost 2 years now. I had to have my sweet puppy put to sleep in July 2019. It was one of the hardest, most heartbreaking things that I have had to do in my life. I still miss him very much and wish he were still with me.
Over the course of the last week, my mind had been heavy with the concept of sexuality and my own. I have often wondered why I am the way I am and why I am not like most when it comes to relationships.
This post has been long in the making. I have thought about it a lot since I started this blog. Who am I? What are my core beliefs? If I had to summarize who I think I am and what represents me, what would I say? It’s easy, but tough, because we are complex beings, for the most part. We aren’t black or white, but a myriad of colors that reach across a spectrum.
It’s Valentine’s Day. That singular day of the year that reminds me I’m shitty at finding soulmates.
I try my hardest to not let things drag me down. I try super hard to control my situations that I can control. I have learned how to detatch from those situations that I can’t control and cannot affect to prevent myself from being overrun with anxiety. It is a weird thing for me to do as it has been against the nature of who I have been growing up. I was forever tormented by the “What ifs”. I still am, but I try to shut those things up pretty fast.
When I was younger and thinking about how my life would be, I can be 100% certain this is not what I pictured.
The one thing in this world that I will never accept are excuses. I don’t accept them from others and I don’t accept them from myself. I find excuses disrespectful, disingenuous, and a fake apology. Excuses provide nothing of substance and allow the person to shirk their personal accountability.
Democracy is a fragile thing. This was learned yesterday on a variety of fronts for me. Democracy is a great freedom to have, but it can’t go without strong checks and balances. If we don’t show intolerance for the intolerant, we lose our freedom of democracy.
As I mentioned earlier, my family, particularly on my mother’s side, is rife with mental illnesses. It is one of the bigget hurdles I have to deal with on a fairly regular basis, and it isn’t alway my own mental health that’s the problem.
I recently turned 50. For some reason, my brain thinks this is a big deal. Maybe it’s because I never anticipated living past 32 when I was younger. Either way, my brain seems to think that I have passed into “being old”, which is ironic, since, it also wants to believe I’m still close to my eatly 20’s.