My father was not the best of people. I do question if he was as bad as my narcissistic mother made him to be to garner my devotion to her, but I do know there are things about him that weren’t at all okay in society. However, he did, somehow, manage to instill certain beliefs, traits and ideologies I have followed even to this day.
Life is often filled with little signs that try to promt you into action. If you don’t respond to them, they tend to disappear or. ecome a part of the landscape. Then a bigger sign will come by, and another, then a larger one, then maybe a neon one, till eventually, you hit the “DEAD END” sign and all options feel off the table. You’re left scrambling around trying to find anything that looks like a path.
It’s been forever and a day since I last wrote here. Hard to believe a month has passed by already!
I have been without pets for almost 2 years now. I had to have my sweet puppy put to sleep in July 2019. It was one of the hardest, most heartbreaking things that I have had to do in my life. I still miss him very much and wish he were still with me.
Over the course of the last week, my mind had been heavy with the concept of sexuality and my own. I have often wondered why I am the way I am and why I am not like most when it comes to relationships.
Today, I’m going to talk about something that a lot of people tend to view as taboo, though, they don’t always know why, just that the concepts behind it are often considered icky, uncomfortable and/or unacceptable. In many ways, those feelings are justified.
It has been warm, sunny and beautiful outside. My curtains have been opened, the space heaters turned off, and my mood has greatly improved! I hadn’t been aware that the freezing temperatures would have such an effect on my mood.
It’s Valentine’s Day. That singular day of the year that reminds me I’m shitty at finding soulmates.
My blood pressure medication causes nightmares. Ironically, due to my past, they aren’t that scary.
I try my hardest to not let things drag me down. I try super hard to control my situations that I can control. I have learned how to detatch from those situations that I can’t control and cannot affect to prevent myself from being overrun with anxiety. It is a weird thing for me to do as it has been against the nature of who I have been growing up. I was forever tormented by the “What ifs”. I still am, but I try to shut those things up pretty fast.