My father was not the best of people. I do question if he was as bad as my narcissistic mother made him to be to garner my devotion to her, but I do know there are things about him that weren’t at all okay in society. However, he did, somehow, manage to instill certain beliefs, traits and ideologies I have followed even to this day.
Life is often filled with little signs that try to promt you into action. If you don’t respond to them, they tend to disappear or. ecome a part of the landscape. Then a bigger sign will come by, and another, then a larger one, then maybe a neon one, till eventually, you hit the “DEAD END” sign and all options feel off the table. You’re left scrambling around trying to find anything that looks like a path.
It’s been forever and a day since I last wrote here. Hard to believe a month has passed by already!
Over the course of the last week, my mind had been heavy with the concept of sexuality and my own. I have often wondered why I am the way I am and why I am not like most when it comes to relationships.
This post has been long in the making. I have thought about it a lot since I started this blog. Who am I? What are my core beliefs? If I had to summarize who I think I am and what represents me, what would I say? It’s easy, but tough, because we are complex beings, for the most part. We aren’t black or white, but a myriad of colors that reach across a spectrum.
It’s Valentine’s Day. That singular day of the year that reminds me I’m shitty at finding soulmates.
Today is my only full day off this week from work. I’m not really upset about that as it helped make up for hours lost last week due to snow and ice.
My blood pressure medication causes nightmares. Ironically, due to my past, they aren’t that scary.
I try my hardest to not let things drag me down. I try super hard to control my situations that I can control. I have learned how to detatch from those situations that I can’t control and cannot affect to prevent myself from being overrun with anxiety. It is a weird thing for me to do as it has been against the nature of who I have been growing up. I was forever tormented by the “What ifs”. I still am, but I try to shut those things up pretty fast.
I suffer from exectuive dysfunction. It is frustrating, disappointing and annoying.