Chaotic changes

It’s been a chaotic month for me. I think I’m finally coming to terms with the changes.

My daughter waffled back and forth for a while, then decided to accept a job that was 2 hours away. She decided to move in with a good friend who lives in that area and set up a new life as an adult. I’m proud of her.

My son took his annual birthday trip out of state to visit friends and came back saying he was moving out in 2 weeks. Again, I’m proud of him.

At first, I was at odds about being alone. I have honestly never lived alone before. It was a scary thought that was looming because it was unknown. I started to feel lonely, though no one had fully moved out yet. For the first time in years, once the house was just me and Roger, I cried.

Then, I felt okay. I started getting my craft/work room assembled. I started making moves towards my plans when my assignment is over. I started looking to the future.

There are still days where I am more aware of being alone than others. When the house is quieter than it used to be. Overall though, I am enjoying the time. I know I will want it to change, but for now, I feel okay with it all.

Things are still changing. I have no idea what will happen on the work front as they have told me they have no desire to let me go, being so happy with my work. But I have my own work that I want to do as well. So I may take the constant paycheck for a spell as I work towards my own goals. I feel like I’m constantly pushing stuff forward and it is frustrating. Partially because I know a part of it is due to my insecurities and another because of uncertainty. I have decided to spend the next 3- 4 months working towards things, creating content and prepping for moving forward.

I think of where I was this time last year, and while it feels similar, the situation has improved. Hopefully I can help it improve even more.

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