The nightmares of medication

My blood pressure medication causes nightmares. Ironically, due to my past, they aren’t that scary.

I drempt last night that I was with my ex-mother-in-law, which, is scary already (ba-dum-dum-tiss), but as I was there, the lights went out and it was dark. Suddenly, she said, “There! In the other room! There’s that little girl again, crying!” So I look, and sure enough, there’s a young girl in a nightshirt, crying. I realize it’s a ghost, but call it over and am surprised when it comes. Below its right eye, a spiderweb type crack in dark lines is there, like they had been struck there and their face cracked like porcelain. They wrapped their little arms around my neck and sobbed.

Now…my description might make you think, that’s not a nightmare. You wouldn’t be wrong. But it was supposed to be. When the little girl appeared, it was creepy, white and staticky, like it was writhing in pain, trying to appear. That would have been the start of a “traditional” nightmare. It had all the build up and presentation that this dream was about to take a super dark turn.

From the time I can remember, till I was 26, I had chronic nightmares. 5 – 7 nights a week, all night long. If the night started with nightmares, it ended with nightmares. During those years, I think I died in my dreams every way possible, was hurt, terrified, emotionally tormented, and pretty much any theme a nightmare can present itself in. They got so bad that eventually, I didn’t consider them nightmares unless they woke me up and kept me from going back to sleep. Otherwise they were just dreams. I also learned to change dreams, which helped a lot.

I noticed just after I started taking the new medication that the nightmares were returning, but their impact was rather unimpressive. I found the ridiculous in them and could change them to be less terrifying. In the case of last night’s dream, instead of them being ghosts, there were three girls who had run away, lead by their oldest sister, who was in her late teens, who tried to convince us that ghosts could take ibuprofen and benadryl for this world conditions, even though they were otherworldly. The injuries they had “suffered”, was just well placed makeup, and their story was make believe. In the end, it was not scary and the dream moved on, defeated, becoming more commonplace and mundane.

I don’t put much credence in dreams. They are more garbage in, garbage out than any real prophetic, resolve of problems type things a lot of people claim them to be. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had dreams that had weight or meaning, it just means I have low expectations of them. The dreams I put the most in, are the ones that I create.

In the meantime, now that I’m fully aware that the nightmares are because of the medication, I can find the ridiculous in them and change them.

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