One of the biggest things the last 3 years has taught me is that nothing is forever. From the moment that I type this to the end of my time and beyond. Everything changes, even if it seems to stay the same.
One of the biggest things that prevents us from moving forward, aside from ourselves and the excuses we create to get in our way, is the idea that the choices we make will be in effect forever. That because we made the decision a year ago, yestersay, today, or just this moment, we will have to honor that decision forever. That we are now under some weird law or contract that is now forever unchangeable or able to be removed completely. This ideology prevents us from changing jobs, changing homes, changing relationships, nearly everything. We forget that we have the ability to change, adjust or simply reject the changes we decided on.
It is true that sometimes, we have to not make choices based on or current situation, but that is a choice as well and is only as permanent as we make it. This doesn’t take into consideration socioeconomic, obviously, and for some, their choices are greatly reduced. It doesn’t mean they don’t have choices, it just may mean the number of choices they have are limited based off their current scope. It is also beneficial for everyone to remember you aren’t married to your choices and they can change when situations change.
I was reminded of this a lot over the last few months. A job acceptance didn’t mean I had to stay there forever, or even a other day, if I chose not to. I could change directions, change perspectives, change goals, change ideas, and I have. The hardest part is learning to not be overwhelmed by the number of choices I have.
My friend was talking to me the other day about his marriage. It has become a rather one sided relationship where he feels like his wife no longer listens to him and this has caused him to feel negatively about himself.
I asked him if he had talked to her about it, and tried to work it out with her. He said he had, but as the conversation went along, it was more of a half hearted, passive aggressive approach than a direct conversation with her. I mentioned that it wasn’t something that he had agreed upon when they got married, and he replied that wasn’t true, but a conversation he had with his wife, he said he had basically agreed to the current situation.
I told him that just because he made the agreement back when it made sense, created a solution, or resolved an issue, doesn’t mean it does now. Things change. People change. Situations change. Now that things have gone on, it is no longer a viable option and a new agreement needs to be made. That it’s perfectly fine that the agreement had been made at the time it had been, amd it’s okay that it isn’t now. What isn’t okay is not making the necessary changes to make it more beneficial and letting his wife know that he required a new agreement.
He had felt trapped by a decision because no one bothered to tell him, it’s okay to change it, adjust it, or get rid of it. He felt he wss stuck with that decision because his wife seemed perfectly happy with it. He owed it to her to present the need for a change and a choice. Being told it was okay to change, he was visibly relieved.
No change that came from a choice requires that you live with it forever. You are the driver of your car. Take the path you want and don’t be afraid to ignore the map if it is something you want to do. You can always go back, or get back to the main path.