Fetish and misogyny

It’s been a little while since I last posted. Time, as I get older, has a way of sliding by quickly at times, and slowly at others. March has been flying by and before I realized it, it was already almost over.

But I’m not going to talk about the passage of time today. Today, I’m going to talk about something that a lot of people tend to view as taboo, though, they don’t always know why, just that the concepts behind it are often considered icky, uncomfortable and/or unacceptable. In many ways, those feelings are justified.

I have 3 friends who have been with me throughout the majority of my life. I have known and loved them for over 40 years. Two are Vietnamese, the other, Korean. I have never seen them as anything other than the amazing people they have been and are. Even when my mother “advised” me that I should have more friends who were white to prevent being bullied, I refused. These three amazing women will always be my friends.

So, when the murderer in Atlanta decided to take the lives of 8 Asian women because he “wanted to eliminate the temptation they created”, I was extremely disgusted. Yes, it’s 100% racist, but it is also 100% misogynistic and 100% the allowance of men being able to fetishize women into objects for their personal satisfaction. It is this last topic I want to discuss here.

Fetishes, for those who don’t know, are a sexual obsession that many people have. For at least 3 decades, when the internet started bringing people together and taboo and embarrassing things were starting to be discussed, it became a general refrain that fetishes were perfectly normal, okay and fine. It wasn’t until over two decades later, consent between adults was added. During this time before the consent part, fetishes were deemed normal. Looking at the majority of sexual fetishes, the main connecting point is the victimization of women, sometimes in very violent, distressing and traumatic ways, not excluding killing the woman for sexual and emotional gratification. Many fetishes are strongly based in humiliation, degradation, and visible displays of hate. Many of these fetishes drive from the idea that women derive enjoyment rejecting men and men deserve to take their revenge on women for their inability to accept rejection.

Fetishes are born from people repressing and penting up issues, emotional traumas and psychological problems and the refusal to address them in healthy ways. The majority are based in inhumane ideas more often than not, steeped heavily in misogyny. Even though women participate and enjoy that victimization sexually, it still requires that all people involved are working from mentally healthy foundations. Given how people attain fetishes, it is guaranteed they either are not, are trying to work through them, or simply ignoring the poor mental standings, doing lots of damage to everyone in the process.

I’m not condemning fetishes and those who enjoy them. What I’m saying is that we need to be accountable, responsible and more mentally healthy with them. If we are not, we have men going out and enacting on them against people who are not consensual.

The Asian woman fetish is huge. It is highly misogynistic and hateful. The idea is that the Asian woman poses as either a “dragon lady who must be dominated into submission” or cucked by her and being denied sexual gratification (for ultimately sexual gratification), or, she is already so submissive that she is no longer considered human, a mere mindless slave to do whatever they are told. This is extremely dangerous, particularly in the hands of those who refuse to take care of their inner selves.

The majority of fetishes deal with the direct victimization of women. Women are the ends to the means for sexual gratification in fetishes, regardless of her willingness to participate. In fetishes, women are just objects, receptacles not worth respect or consideration. Even in those fetishes where women are supposedly the highest level of power, such as Amazonian or giantess, the men still “top from the bottom”, because the end goal is their sexual release, not hers. The woman is still an ends to their means.

So many people have wrung their hands about the racism of this killer in Atlanta, and some have even made the connection of the horrible misogyny that made it happen, but no one wants to talk about the fact that this murderer had an Asian woman sexual fetish that he refused to take control of, to take responsibility for, and it is obvious he won’t be held accountable for this sexual deviation because, in the end, sex is for men and they are entitled to it in our society, regardless of how heinous they are to get it, or deny themselves of it. In the end, the majority of violence against women is due to the embedded mindset than men are entitled to sex from women, and we never address the deeply entrenched misogyny that permeates everything in the American society. We gloss over that part Every. Single. Time.

I don’t have any solutions on how to get men to see that women are more than just semen repositories. That we are more than just dick holsters. That we do a lot more than provide a place to have an orgasm. But we seriously need to. Those 8 women died because some asshole refused to acknowledge they had a horrible sexual fetish based off race and gender. Thousands of women die annually because men fetishize women to remove the humanity from them. We need to stop allowing this to continue. Women are dying because men can’t and won’t control their sexual desires. That’s a really stupid reason to die.

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