Week’s accumulation

So, it seems my blood pressure/arrhythmia thing was the precursor to something more, but really, nothing. The group situation also reached a climax, but not a good one.

After work yesterday, my head really started to bang and my heart was thumping hard and fast. I went to the ER, where they dis a few tests, determined that there was no brain or heart damage and sent me home with an only slightly lower blood pressure. So…I guess I was right that I had no reason to worrym but they always want you to go to the ER anyways. Go figure. Today, I rested. My heart is still all kinds of messed up but it isn’t overbeating itself to death, so that’s a positive. I’ll call the dr tomorrow and make an appointment that I can’t afford, but, such is life.

When I got home, I was informed that the person who had betrayed me and the group decided to leave. As expected, given they have not yet taken any accountability for their own actions, they tossed a flaming bag of dog shit into the group, claiming victimhood and putting the remaining moderators in question because, you know, better to blow up the room when you leave instead of doing it with integrity and respect. I am disappointed, but hardly surprised. This person is irreprehensible and disgusting in their behavior. It is at this point, impossible to forgive them. I don’t understand why people need to be this way. What benefit is it to them to decimate a space others love and enjoy because you refuse to do the right thing and admit you made mistakes? I wish I had more words to describe the absolute repugnance this person has created through their inability to admit their actions that lead to a huge falling out that has hurt a lot of people, including ones they said they cared about, and broken friendships, but the fact that they don’t give a shit about any of that over self-preservation, I guess, says more than I ever could about how fucked up of a person they are.

As it stands, I’m moving on and away. My body can’t accept anymore hurt, stress, shitty behavior or otherwise. I deserve to have better around me and will find it.

For now, I’m going to slow down, enjoy the moments and be in the present for a bit. Find my center again, and make sure the dr is aware, I need something for this heart of mine. Lol

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