Sexual interest

I rarely talk about sex, but I listen to a lot about it. I listen to new thoughts, where society may be with it, and how we, as a society, treat it.

Tonight, I was listening to a podcast that was talking about horniness and it brought up a lot of interesting thoughts about how we treat sex and sexual gratification in this new age with the internet.

The premise was that at this point in time, a lot of people have been exposed to social media, messaging apps, and other various ways of reaching out to people. Some of the adults were raised on the internet, and therefore, communication through the internet is easier than interacting face to face.

This long-term exposure has also created a sort of subjectively transactional forms of sexual relations. They can get instant gratification in some form on the internet. This immediate reward creates a larger lack of being able to have real connections with people and interacting with each other on a more human level. One of the reasons they proposed that AI relationships have expanded so much is because there is no real fear of rejection. That they can manipulate the AI into giving them exactly what they want and create that consistency of a rat, pressing the button thousands of times a day for a dose of cocaine.

The tv show “Bones” is definitely a woman’s show. I know this sounds out of context of this writing, but it has relevancy. Aside from the true crime element, when you look at the relationships, you get a very romanticized version of partnerships women want. The supportive and devoted love of Hodges and Angela. The protector and thought challenging relationship of Bones and Booth. The misdirected yet still loving relationship of Sweets and Daisy. The stressful and emotionally protected love of Cam and Arastoo. These are all archetypes of relationships women want. They all present a form of love women are looking for. Even when the relationships end, they are still kind, respectful and caring of each other. There are no bitter feelings, hate or anger. Just adults understanding that things and feelings change.

These archetypes deeply tie into how women want to be loved. There are bits and pieces of each one that women respond to and it would do for men to pay attention to these things. To recognize what parts of these characters that the woman they are interested in is responding to.

One of the things that was said on the podcast I was listening to was this:

Women are now saying that yes, they want to have sex, but they have yet to find someone worthy of their standards to have it, therefore, they are simply not having sex.

That is a huge truth that men are refusing to listen to. Even I, an asexual, can want sex from time to time. But the lack of men who I have deemed worth spending that time and energy with has simply made it easier for me to burrow into my asexuality and become comfortable with it. I have not met someone who has managed to stir that sexual desire in me. The last time I had sex was due to a hormonal rush and opportunity, however, it was miserable sex because it was with someone who simply did not care about my wants or needs. And this is a situation that has happened often in my life, as I’m sure it has to many other women.

We want sex, but the sex we get is not the sex we desire. We get what men want to give. they don’t want our input. They don’t want to invest in understanding what mutual sexual relationships are and what they create when they are fully understood and accepted. Sex for me has only been pleasurable, maybe a handful of times. Most of the time, it has taken place because my partner wanted it. Not because I did.

At one time, my sexual libido was extremely strong. I could have gone every night. But lack of partner made that a nonissue. I learned other ways to satisfy myself. I also learned that more often than not, self-pleasure was more pleasurable than being with a partner. Sexual activities only went one way in my life. The way my partner wanted it. After decades of that, it gets to be something that isn’t interesting, not worth doing and honestly, makes one feel more like an object than a cherished and loved partner.

I would rather not have sex than be involved in another relationship that is one sided sexually. If men want to make relationships all about what they want, then they need to step up and fulfill some of my other needs if they aren’t going to address my sexual ones. I have felt this way for years now. sex has become so disappointing to me that I would just rather not have it at all than to be in one more relationship that is depressingly devoid of my own sexual satisfaction.

I have always held the belief that I am an extremely sexual creature, but I have never been in a space where I felt loved, cared for, cherished and secure that I could just know that my sexual needs would be fulfilled. I have always known that my needs weren’t even a tenth thought.

In this day and age where men can get their sexual needs fulfilled at the drop of a hat with no responsibility for them to provide back, there is no point in being a sexual creature. I hear tons of men say, “I’m not like that!” yet, when it comes to proving it, they are exactly like that. Maybe one day, one won’t be but honestly, I’m kind of done waiting for him to show up.