Weekend realities

I realized over the weekend that I need to prepare for being unemployed. I have been hoping beyond hope that I’d be hired long before the deadline, but now, I am not so sure. I hate uncertainty. Especially when it messes with my livelihood.So I need to make a schedule on how to spend my forced time off. If I don’t, I know me all too well that I will become frozen with anxiety, panic, and depression. I need to keep myself busy. That means a schedule.If I don’t hear anything by the end of the month, I’ll, of course, be applying for holiday jobs. It’s part-time, but if I can get two and work things out, then I’ll be okay. It won’t be fun and it isn’t what I want, but I know that by the end of this month, my time is up. I may have a month left at this job, but I need to take evasive actions. So I’ll get myself together to apply and get my resume out there.While I usually have work between Sept and Thanksgiving, that is reliant on natural disasters and honestly, while I like the work, I hate the reason I have it. I also can’t rely on Mother Nature for my job. So far, she hasn’t produced any huge storms, so that is a relief. I am not banking on any coming up, but I also know that with climate change, it is almost inevitable that storms are getting worse and worse. That also leaves me the end of the year, which isn’t a great time to be unemployed.It’s really hard to remain positive. I have had a lot of good interviews and then…nothing. The only call back was so dysfunctional, I turned down the interview because if they were that incompetent at the onset, I didn’t want to think of what it would be like working there. It was also the night shift, which I’ll do, but I’m not thrilled with it.I also noticed that a position I had applied and interviewed for last year was available again. I applied again, but honestly, I feel kind of like, well, if they had hired me, they probably wouldn’t be looking again now, but…what do I know. Either way, that is a second chance.But I have a few projects I need to finish that I think I’ll work on and put up for sale, just for some income. I don’t want to deal with Esty or Shopify, but I might. We’ll see. I have glass work to do. I have some hand sewing projects to finish. I have a few things that I want to get done that I’ve wanted to do forever now and have just not. This type of work has rarely produced any results. I doubt with the economy as it is, it won’t, but Christmas is coming up, so…maybe.I’ll start scheduling my weekends for now. Do and finish one project a weekend. Get 5 things listed in the new place a weekend. Maybe do some recordings of podcasts a weekend to edit during the downtime. I know if I don’t schedule now, though, I’ll just sit and feel. Not even sorry for myself. I’ll just feel panic, executive dysfunction, the desire to do things, but doing nothing.I’ve managed to get the game playing out of my system, so that is good. I’m glad for that. I hate it when that is the mode of escape my body takes. It feels unproductive and useless. I know it’s okay to take some of that time, as long as I am doing the things I need to, and I am. I do the chores. I do the cooking that needs to be done. i do the things that I need to do to keep living, but it is still a waste of time in my mind.So this week, I’ll be making a daily schedule for the unemployment time. Each day working on a project that forwards myself in some direction. Throwing noodles at the wall to see what sticks, I guess. I also will be getting my weekends organized as well. Each weekend with a project. I need to do this.To be honest, the realization made me feel less impotent about my life and the direction it is going. I hate feeling like a passenger on a runaway train. So, if I can get myself together and get a plan going, I’ll feel better. Like not all is lost.