Wise Old Woman

Today, I listened to an interview with Eckart Tolle. I, oddly enough, had never heard of him, though I had known of his books. Well, that isn’t so odd, considering that I couldn’t tell you any actor or actresses that I like, but I can recognize them when I see them. His words reminded me of something that I remember every now and again that I wanted to become in my old age.

At some point, my goal was to become an old wise woman. Will I ever get there? Probably not. I’m a mess. I get too angry and the shit storm of the world and the governments almost on a daily basis. I feel impotent to do anything to hold back the shit that’s coming. I want to just retreat into my own world and foster that space, fill it with the things that make me happiest, and be the best person I can be, but the outside world constantly intrudes. I am actually trying to actively change my own impulses to jump to judgment on others, though I will aggressively put both feet down when it comes to tolerance of the intolerable.

I can fully understand why the wise women in stories and legends distanced themselves from humanity, making themselves no longer a part of it. it is too easy to be dragged in directions that shake your inner foundations and strength. It is too easy to care too much in trying to get other people to care and be caring to each other and become frustrated and angry when they refuse and resort to violence. It is also too easy to resort to those same tactics to try and get people to see what they have willfully blinded themselves to.

I am always amazed at people like Eckart who can so calmly be a part of society, yet, be completely separated from the horrible things that are going on around them. It is not due to ignorance or willfully ignoring it, but because they have found that center that brings them inner peace. I am envious of that. It’s a peace I have yet to find. To be calm even as things are literally burning around you, and not in the dog saying “this is fine” while surrounded by the fire way. They make comments and statements that show that they are fully aware the world is shit right now, but feel secure that no matter what, things will change eventually, with or without them.

Let me state for the record, I don’t mind if the world goes on without me. I’m all good with that. As a human, I kind of have to be. I’m not wrapped up in that stupid “leaving a legacy” ideology. To me, that is such a useless and egotistical endeavor. Why does the world need something of me to continue on? Maybe it’d be a better place if it didn’t. Half the people worried about leaving legacies truthfully, don’t have anything that is worth the endurance of time, if you ask me.

When it comes to the political theater in the US, I have come to some clarity that I now find myself trying to change within me. We have become exceptionally divisive. Dangerously so. A lot of that has been created outside the US. What is frightening is how easily everyone has picked their side, their team. No one has really picked the humanitarian side. Even those on the left haven’t completely chosen humanity as their motive, as they are happy to excuse some really horrendous violations of life that the current administration hasn’t changed or adopted from the administration they were loudly opposing just 3 years ago. I’ve actually had friends get upset at me for pointing out that the current administration is almost, if not just as, bad as the last administration, saying I’m being unfair. I’m here to support my fellow people. If I see our government isn’t on their side supporting the everyday person, I am not going to support it. It’s that simple.

This shift has happened over the last couple of months. Oddly enough, listening to a couple anti-cult podcasts and doing gratitude exercises has greatly changed my perspectives on people and the world. I don’t see it going anywhere good, mind you, but now I see it going bad because people have been so easily willing to give up their sense of humanity and enthusiastically other those they perceive as “enemies”. that isn’t just the xenophobic racists view of the right, but the extremely pious people who think they know what is best on the left who have no problem lecturing and shaming those on the right. The problem is both sides, and we really need to find a middle ground to talk to one another as human beings.

I think the wise women in legends and stories also saw that divide, and instead of jumping into the fray, simply turned and walked away, secluding themselves in their hut in the wilderness, offering help to those who turned up needing it, wanting it and asking for it, and removing themselves from the strife of the behaviors of others that profit no one but those who want to keep power by creating a social divide.

And maybe I am becoming that wise woman in my cabin in the mountains, hiding myself away as I work on creating a space that is my own where I can be authentic, feeling, and happy. Maybe that is my inner calm. Maybe that is where my peace will start and my strength will build. Maybe this is where my wisdom is starting.

Though, not gonna lie…Pretty sure I’m going to become The Marvelous Madame Mim and not some altruistic but benevolent outsider.