Universal Attraction

So one of the biggest messages I get from the LoA type work I have been doing is: Know who you are, what you want and the whys of those things.

I’m a big supporter in knowing what you want, knowing why and in knowing who you are to yourself and sitting in that in the present and become comfortable with those pieces of intimate knowledge. I think a failure to do so makes one a weak person who does nothing to improve the world they live in and exists only to take and use. I chose not to be that kind of person and the best way to do that is to know who I am, what motivates me and the ethics of those feelings.

I grump a lot about others. Mostly because I have learned that people tend to fall into the mediocrity of life. I have a theory that a person only has 5 things/topics they are well versed in and they have nothing else to talk about. They have no interest in expanding beyond those 5 things and tend to impose those 5 things into conversation so that they can take part in a conversation instead of listening, being present for others and expanding their knowledge base. These people have no idea who they really are beyond those 5 topics and truly have no interest in being more than those 5 things they relate to. In the mediocrity of life, the majority of people fall into this category. I can’t tell you how many people I have met that fit into this classification. I would say out of 98% of the people I talk to, they fall into this.

Overall, that is fine. It is a comfort level. It is comfortable to not expand your knowledge base because you don’t learn what you know may be wrong, or your opinions of things that you may not be as knowledgeable on are wrong, etc. Staying in the safety of your 5 topics feels good and swimming in a sea of things that are beyond our knowledge base has a scary drowning effect, but life is about growing in experiences and knowledge. If you willingly limit yourself from growing, you aren’t living to your fullest potential, particularly in relating to other people and sharing knowledge. Instead, one commands the conversation in a topic they are comfortable with and excludes anyone else from discussing their interests, ideas or thoughts.

It is really hard for me to pick 5 things I’m interested in when asked. I think of a ton of other things. Usually I stick with those few things that I am currently involved in, which means, the answer to that question of “what do you like to do” will change depending on what my passion currently is. Like currently, I’m into gardening, crochet, embroidery, learning the LoA and making plans for the future. In the fall, it may change, switching gardening out for another hobby I like. What I have knowledge on is rather large. I listen to 5 different podcasts a day, from physics, to social issues, to black culture, to theology, to sex and relationships,  to psychology. I absorb a lot of information daily. I am constantly learning and to ask me what my knowledge base is would be too time consuming to answer.

So yeah, someone who has the desire and ability to continue to gain knowledge and information is important to me. Also knowing themselves as well as they can is also important to me. As a person with CPTSD, I have found that when you do the self-work in knowing who you are, you are less likely to be deceptive, unethical or any of the other negative things that can happen because a person doesn’t have a clue as to where they stand and don’t take accountability or responsibility for their actions because they don’t view it as coming from themselves and their lack of self-understanding. The things that create a healthy relationship come from within each person and how well they know themselves and relating to other people. The more you know yourself, the more you can be compassionate and caring for others.

It is so hard to find anyone who has actually done this work, however. I know a large portion is due to where I am looking and I fully acknowledge that. It is disappointing though, to see just how many people, men in particular, have no interest in questioning themselves, assessing who they are and how they relate to other people. They are only looking for their own gains and not much else. As a person with CPTSD, I cannot deal with, nor will I deal with people like that. They are not healthy for me, they tear me down and they certainly have no way of providing the support I need from another. And when the majority of people I meet are of the 98% of mediocrity of life, it leaves very few for me to look at, let alone find, and the chances of them not already having a healthy, supportive, and prosperous relationship is slim.

LoA says to state what you need/want and be as specific and clear as possible. I can’t say I have ever done this with a partner, because I can’t control what comes to me, but I will put this at the Universe’s door to answer and see what happens.

What I want in a partner:

1) Wants a mutually beneficial relationship where both people have their needs fulfilled

2) Is willing to be an equal functioning partner in the relationship and is willing to help work on projects with me

3) Is interested in me as a person, wants to invest themselves in me, considers me a priority, and sees and expresses value in me

4) Understands that I require honesty and truth

5) Someone who wants to willingly contribute to the mutual livelihood and understands that their contributions are not just welcome but appreciated

6) Someone who wants to connect with me on more than the level of what is important to them. Interested in my needs and wants and in making sure they are just as important and fulfilled as their own

7) Is aware and willing to have constant open conversation to make the relationship a safe space where we can be openly vulnerable to each other and know that we are listened to, felt and understood.

8) Willing to go “Us against the World” and make things happen

9) Wants to share in the mutual success of each other and helping each other to reach their goals and dreams together. both individual dreams and goals and mutual ones

10) Someone I can rely on for support, love, care and compassion when life gets difficult and being the same for them

11) Someone who can feel sincere compassion, empathy and sympathy for others who are not just related to them or friends, but complete strangers

12) Someone who has hobbies, interests and things that they enjoy that I can enjoy along with them

13) Someone who likes working with their hands and creating things

14) A teddy bear daddy type who is all love, soft and snuggles and has no interest in being a commanding, demanding or sadistic type of person. Someone who just wants to love and be loved

15) Someone eager to share their life and my life in a way that they become mutually integrated and agreeable

16) A person who is genuinely kind, caring and loving with no motivations or strings to provide that except to be giving

In return, these are all traits and things (aside from #14 in looks) that I know that I give when I am free to love someone who simply loves me for me and no other reason. I come off in some places as a horrible bitch, but that is a protection device because I know that when I love, it is deep, full and committed and I want to make sure the person who receives that is all that I need and not what I don’t. I protect my interests because I already know what I offer to someone who checks off all these boxes and it is truly my entire self. For anyone who says these things I want are “unrealistic”, “demanding”, “expecting too much”, or “having high standards”, they can go bite me. I refuse to accept less, even if that means dying alone. I deserve a love that gives me all I need and allows me the freedom, security and comfort to provide it all back and I will accept nothing less.