Limiting Thoughts

One of the things that I think I need a lot of work on is limiting thoughts. Those thoughts in the back of your mind that immediately override all the working thoughts I’m trying to manifest with.

When I was a little girl, I always knew I was a creative person. Art, crafts, decorating, designing, if it had to do with thinking up something and creating it, using my hands to bring it forth into the world, writing a story, whatever, it stirred my soul. I wanted to be a book writer and illustrator when I was little. I remember my mom telling me, “There’s no money in art or writing. Pick something that will be better.”

Of course, she never told me what would be “better”. Just not art or creative work. Ever helpful, my parents.

I think back and regret having listened to her pretty much every day of my life. The joy, passion, and excitement I get from making things is amazing. In so many ways, it touches the inherent sacred in me whenever I make something. Whether it be art, writing, crafting, or something else, bringing something into the world that came from my mind is a lot like touching god to me. I think about how much farther I could be in all that if I had just told my mom to stuff it actually causes me emotional pain.

I often feel like I’m out of time. All the good ideas are already done. I don’t have anything anyone would want. My creativity has no value to anyone but me. And because my creativity brings me such a huge amount of joy, self-pride, and sacrality, the belief that it has no value for others makes me happy to create, but never celebrate the end result. That in turn becomes reinforced when no one has purchased the things I create, or very few. My created items have no value in the world. They just become huge Lemongrabs screeching “UNACCEPTABLE!!!” (points if you get the reference. I’ve been rewatching the series.)

The thing is, I create with intention. I create with the expectation that everyone else will love and want what I make. I put my whole self into everything that comes from my mind. I put it out into the world, with the absolute belief someone is going to purchase it, love it, and tell others about it so that those others will want one and buy one.

I do the work. I do the thought work. I put the intention in. I do everything I have ever learned about Laws of Attraction and the Power of Intention. And in the end, all that amounts to….nothing. Nothing sells. People like what I make, but yet, I currently have over $1,000 worth of things that I have made to sell that no one has bought. I hadn’t overpriced my work. In fact, I, more often than not, underprice what I make. I had to close my website because after paying $400 a year, advertising, promoting, doing all the things I could do, I made nothing.

This has led me to believe that all the things I have known, read, and learned really don’t work. That my mom was 100% correct. The joy and passion I feel creating is only ever going to be that. Mine. I will be stuck forever creating things that no one actually finds any value or worth to have as they pile up in my house with no purpose or use to me or anyone else.

I wonder what the fuck l am I doing wrong? Why can’t I do what everyone else seems to be able to do with absolutely no problems or issues? Why are others able to make a living making not just the same things as me, but, to be honest, of less quality and aesthetics? Is it me? Am I just marked to be a failure? What am I doing wrong?

I create plans. I create schedules. I put in all the hard work. I put in the hours. I strive and try to do all the things and my results are always less than what I started with.

The fault must lie within me. It has to. Others are clearly able to do what I want to do. Why can’t I?

I remember my ex-husband used to constantly complain about all my “hairbrained ideas to make money”. Much like my mom, instead of supporting me, he did all he could to tear down my ideas, make me feel like they weren’t worth trying. Made me feel dumb for even making the attempt, even though he was doing nothing to himself to bring in anything, outside of bitching about his own job and how much he hated it. I was trying to do something that I could make money *AND* enjoy doing. That is all that I have ever wanted to do. Work that I can feel good about, happy about and want to do. I believe that is all anyone ever wants. To be happy.

So maybe these limiting opinions became my limiting beliefs and thoughts. Maybe they are what has been keeping me from succeeding. Maybe I need to rewrite the constructs and regulations that I didn’t create, but were imposed upon me by others who had no concept that maybe instead of limiting me, they should have been encouraging me. They were doing things they didn’t want to do. That they hated doing. That brought them absolutely no joy, no happiness, and no self-fulfillment. But they certainly felt perfectly fine telling me what my limits were and to only expect disappointment, defeat and a constant dislike of what I do for the rest of my life.

I don’t know. I’ve tried everything else I can think of. I’ve spent tons of money learning skills, methods, patterns, supplies, space, etc. The only people making money are those I have spent mine on. So I’ll give this a go. See what happens because at this point, I don’t have a whole lot of options outside of continuing this path of being unfulfilled, doing work I hate for people I don’t like and don’t want to support with my labor. I want to do all this for me, my benefit and my fulfillment in every way.

Wish me luck and all the power of the Universe. Something has to give.