The archetypes of customers

For those who don’t know, I currently work retail. I actually enjoy it, except for those customers who just make retail the unique experience it is.

I’m also a D&D/RPG fan, however, I am not going to make up character sheets for these people. I’ll let another creative do that.

These are the Unique Archtypes that I encounter, not the usual customers. They can also be multiple archtypes, depending on their skill and character levels:

The Pusher – These people seem to think my counter is made up of some kind of conveyor belt instead of a very limited space of about a foot and a half. No matter how fast I try to ring up stuff, they are constantly shoving more items towards me in a never ending flood of merchandise.

The Sales Person – They want to know the exact amount every single thing they have in their cart is. They want to know the running total after each and every single scan, even if they have 25 or more items. God help you should one single item ring up wrong.

The Clearancer – They will wait months for that one item they have been lusting after to go on sale or on clearance. They will also call every week to see how low the sale price has gone down and ask if their desired object is included in that sale. They *never* buy anything at regular price and, like The Sales Person, if it scans wrong, you might as well just call the manager. You no longer appease.

The UnInformant – They don’t want to sign up for any bonus or membership programs, even if they are free, for any reason, but they absolutely want you to give them every single coupon and discount possible! How dare you suggest they should sign up for those things!

The New World Order Hater – This is a new archetype, established this year. They are always complaining about how “life would be so much better if it weren’t for wearing masks!” Usually complained while not wearing the mask even remotely close to properly. They also like to believe they can’t hear, see, speak or breathe because of them, and find any reason to pull them down or off. Thank god for plexiglass.

The Handoffer – They want to touch *everything*, including you. They must always pay in cash, demand that you take the money from their hand, and that you give them the change back in the same manner. They are absolutely determined to maximize the most amount of physical contact they can in one single transaction, because germs are meant to be shared.

The Changer – They don’t believe in banks, instead believing that all retail stores have an unlimited amount of ones and fives in their drawers, just waiting for them to spend their $100 bill on a $2 item, no less than 20 minutes after the store is open. They take added pleasure if they are the first customer of the day. They love it when you say you can’t make change and act offended that you aren’t properly servicing their all important purchase of the cheapest item they could find in 5 minutes.

So please, for the sake of the next cashier you interact with, have some thought, and don’t be an archetype. Your cashier will thank you.

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