Conscientious objector

Back when Hobby Lobby won its bullshit case in the Supreme Court, I read an article written by a Jewish journalist who discussed the main issue with the case Hobby Lobby brought to the court. They claimed to be a “conscientious objector” and, therefore, wanted the law to change to fit their beliefs.

The author stated that is not how the concept of “conscientious objector” works. If you make this claim, the responsibility falls on you, as the follower and believer, not on everyone else. If Hobby Lobby wanted to claim it was a conscientious objector, then it needed to shut its business, close its doors and not be a business anymore as opposed to forcing the laws to conform to their beliefs.

Of course, Hobby Lobby did not do that. Instead, it continued business, stopped their employees from receiving needed reproduction healthcare and meds on their earned insurance, practices antisemite business practices and ultimately bought sacred artifacts from terrorists to build their culty bible museum to dupe more people into their gospel as a indoctrination activity. They still do business, their cult propaganda museum is still open, and they have received minimal to no recourse for their horrible actions.

Yay America.

But I didn’t mention the conscientious objector just to point out how Hobby Lobby is a horrible corporation/company (though I’ll never miss an opportunity to let people know exactly what their money goes to, regardless of how cheap/close/other useless excuse you can create to buy from them). I mention it because I want to talk about boundaries.

This morning, I was reminded of a meme I had found a while back that talks about boundaries. That boundaries aren’t for one to use as a way to control others, but for one to take their own responsibility to adhere to them. Boundaries are your conscientious objector. If something or someone is pushing against your boundaries, you have the obligation to walk away, not force them to change to conform to your boundaries. Boundaries are your early warning system to let you know you have a choice you have to make; stay or go.

We tend to use boundaries as a way to extend our space and make people change for our comfort. This is not the appropriate use for boundaries, and we all need a reminder of that. We created our boundaries. We applied our boundaries. We did that for ourselves so we can be less impacted by things that we don’t want. We didn’t do it to control other people, and that is a vital piece of information for doing the work. We set up boundaries to control our environment, not others.

This was a good reminder for me as I start to work on parts of myself that help me understand what I need, what I want, and what is best for me. It isn’t about how other people operate around me. It’s about what I’m allowing to affect me and making myself act. I can tell someone they are trodding on a boundary, but in the end, it is up to me to decide how to react to that. If I try to force a change, that is not an appropriate use of boundaries. That is not the same as telling someone, “Hey, that isn’t okay with me. Please don’t do that.” Communication of what you will and won’t tolerate is important. People can’t read your mind, so you have to express those things. You don’t walk around with a paper pinned to your shirt that explains your boundaries. That’s what communication is for. By telling them, you have given the other person the option to either change their behaviors or to continue with them. If they continue, there is only one option left; walk away.

I started working on my core values and my non-negotiables. I’m calling it My Constitution. They are the ideals in which I want to live by. The problem with the phrase “non-negotiables” is that it kind of takes the responsibility to take action to remove those things from me and putting it on others to deal with, when really, they are just boundaries. They are those things that when you see them, that is your indicator to move away.

In my case, the non-negotiables that I have written in regards to a relationship work as a checklist for me to determine if the person I am considering ticks off all the boxes, and those they don’t, I need to make the choice if it is worth making a go at it or not. I can only control myself, so trying to exert control over someone else is an exercise in futility. However, I have the ability to control who has access, who influences me, and who affects my environment.

I can keep true to the concept of the conscientious objector because I am not forcing anyone else to do anything. I am making the decisions based off how well I know myself and what I want for myself. I think we often feel the fear of “missing out”, or worried we will hurt someone else, or perpetrate a number of things we have been told not to do when we stand up for our boundaries, act in accordance to who we are, and live authentically. The problem is, by using those fears, worries, concerns, and beliefs or thoughts we were trained to have, we give our power of living authentically to others. We are no longer on our side. We have sided with someone who may not be good for us and may do harm to us in some form when we don’t adhere to our own values and boundaries. They are our map in the world, and if we don’t follow the path we have created, we get lost.

I don’t think I have ever done this work, truly, in my life. I am somewhat sorry it took me this long to get her, but I won’t hold regret because you can’t act on something you never knew. I know now, and so I will move forward to better myself so I can be a positive contributor to this world. That brings me hope and happiness.