Friday Mix

I really wish my coworker was more computer literate….

I’m not expecting earth shattering knowledge, but I would like to think that he would understand that 2 programs don’t work alike, even when they are using data from the same source, that they aren’t connected by anything but the data. It is tiresome repeating myself over and over again that PowerBI uses pure data from a database and the data is then manipulated in PowerBI, while the report feature in the database program works only with pure data unless you apply a formula or filter. I don’t know what is confusing about that or why he can’t let go of his idea to understand what I’m explaining, but nothing I say has worked.

It makes me stop to think how many things, ideas, concepts, etc. I’ve unwittingly closed my mind off to because I refuse to give up an emotion, idea, or thought behind it even when someone is screaming at me the difference. I wonder how many people are going through life doing exactly that. Insisting that they know what they are talking about even when all evidence points to the fact they don’t.

I think about this often when dealing with people online. People have such a death grip on the things they think they know and refuse to listen to anything that even remotely negates that. I discussed this quite a bit in my previous post, but it really has been a message this week. This week has had a lot of different messages and honestly, there are things I’m hearing that I’m not entirely sure aren’t bad ideas…I’m going to work through some of that this weekend, I think. If I don’t stop myself, I’m going to start believing that everything I do is okay, and to be honest, I’m not entirely certain that is wrong thinking if it is only involving me and no one else. Like…would it be bad to send an email to the CEO of the regional area to explain my heartbreak of still not having been hired despite almost a year of dedicated work as a temp? I’ve already written the letter, but I want to discern if this job is really the end all be all for me to do this for, or if I’m going to trust the Universe and my actions to get someplace that actually wants me and wants to pay me what I deserve for my dedication and loyalty. So there’s my weekend.

Having started The Magic, I find that my mindset is changing. I’m not entirely accepting the “impossible,” but I am softening and becoming more sympathetic to others and where they are at. I’m also not completely doing all the things the instructions say. To me, doing daily gratitude is really quite a lot. It is a lot more than I have ever done in the past, and it does seem to be helping me with the change in mindset. I still get angry, I still dislike certain behaviors, I still will speak out, but now, I also try to add in some sort of action item a person may think about taking to help themselves have less negative experiences in the future. I know it isn’t my place to tell someone how to be, but honestly, it just feels like so many people don’t want to do the self-work, the shadow work, the self-healing and they just want to stay in their unhappy pit if it means they don’t have to deal with any kind of pain or discomfort. It’s really disappointing. I feel like I am constantly saying humanity is disappointing, but god damn…people have really done everything possible to keep themselves from becoming the best people they can be simply because hurting and pain is “safer” than doing actual work.

But I digress. I can’t fix the world, I can only fix myself, how I approach people, and what I can do to make my immediate area far better.

My plan, with the Magic, is to get into the habit of writing daily gratitudes and explanations of why I’m grateful. I am saying thank you a lot more to others and in general, but that is a mental thing I’ll have to work on. But I do often have numerous times during the day where I stop and just be grateful. When something happens that looks positive, I feel gratitude. When I have an opportunity, I take it with gratefulness, allowing myself to not feel bad, desperate, awful, or negative if the situation or opportunity doesn’t fit with what I’m attracting. I had a job interview yesterday where it sounded like a decent place, but it was 30 minutes farther away, they wanted me to work 3 ten hour days and 2 eight hour days a week while paying me less than I am making now, while doing at least 4 jobs that should be their own positions. While I enjoyed the interview and the person I was interviewing with, I also gave myself the time to not despair, be desperate, and think this might be my only opportunity. As I stepped away from the event, the more I realized that it was not something I should even consider. I now have no hard feelings about turning it down, I’m not offended or angry that they feel the need to low ball me and undervalue my experience. I took a chance, got a potential opportunity and made the right choice. No harm, no foul.

So these are all different ways to look at something for me. Usually, I’d be upset upon reflection that they had the nerve to offer me what amounts to a promise and a pittance. I’m not. I’m glad I had the opportunity to practice my interview skills, that I was able to not be anxious or worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, that the work I am doing is showing results, even if it isn’t my “dream job” yet, though honestly, my dream job is to be my own employer and be in charge of my own time. I just need to get over myself and my fear that I’m not worth listening to or that I don’t know what I’m doing, or that no one cares about what I have to say (the traffic here kind of says that is all true, but then again, I haven’t been doing things like creating hashtags on my Insta posts or being active on my page FB profile in other places so…a part of that is my own fault, I know and actions produce results.). But I will get over myself and give things a try while I still have the opportunity because I really don’t want to work finance or over an hour away from home, or even close for home making less than I really need and these require action on my part besides just being grateful and taking with the Universe.

I am working on myself, and I see improvements. Maybe it’s just me thinking I’m doing better than I am, but if I see positive changes, then I can expand on them and continue expanding them till I am at a better level as a person.