An Update

It’s been a hot minute since I last posted. Life/work has been somewhat wild, and I have been fighting health issues and escapist desires.

I’m still looking for a job. I’ve had a few prospects, but nothing concrete yet. I’m hoping for something firm this coming month, if not sooner. My coworkers don’t want me to leave, and it has been so touching when they come up and tell me how much they have appreciated my work here. My immediate coworker is in somewhat panic mode as he realizes that without me, his flaws are going to become glaringly obvious. I worry for him, but in the end, there is nothing I can do. He keeps hoping that things will change, but I’m not banking on it. I really can’t. I will miss it here, though. I have really enjoyed working with everyone.

My garden is doing well. It is fairly lush and green. I keep thinking it’s not doing as well as it could be, which is true, but, I am also comparing it to gardens in a climate that is longer and warmer than mine and I need to not do that. I already have plans for next year’s garden, when to start it, how and how to keep it going through the growing season. As it is, I will be able to harvest beans, cucumbers, and tomatoes, and I’m working on squash. I noticed earlier this month that the bumble bees weren’t coming around, nor were the wasps. I don’t keep them away from the garden because they are my biggest pollinators. I worried about it because last year, they were everywhere all growing season, so for them to be absent felt like a bad omen. This last weekend, it was cooler, and I saw a bunch of bumble bees, much to my relief. I’m still hand pollinating my squash and tomatoes, just in case. The tomatoes are now starting to fruit, and the squash have yet to produce anything, but I’m not giving up on them yet, though I do believe my patty pan squash is only going to produce male flowers this year. I should have planted two, but didn’t think about it. So next year, two of each squash will be planted.

I finally canceled my houseplant subscription. I’ve had it for a year and have loved every month, but recently, the anticipation and excitement has been wearing off, so I decided it was time. I also have a ton of house plants now to propagate and grow. I propagated my two pothos plants and my begonia with great success, so now I have a ton of plants to grow. I already have plans on where I’m going to place them once they get a bit larger.

I have fallen off The Magic. I wake up most mornings at 4:30, get dressed and out of the bedroom by 4:45, go out, feed the cat, get my morning juice, and water the garden, finishing around 5:15, then I have about 10 minutes before it’s time to prepare my breakfast/lunch (which…I just realized that I forgot my breakfast today. I’d be upset, but I fully believe the stress of having to find a new job has been tripping up my pancreas, and so my eating habits have been erratic at best. Today, I actually feel the best I have in over a week, and I’m really hoping it will continue. I’m trying to hold out till my appointment next month, but we’ll see.), then I finish getting ready for work, set up my playlist for the day of podcasts, and about that time, my alarm is going off telling me it’s time to o to work. Honestly, I’ve been having a difficult time fitting it in. I’m already waking up early, but I don’t think many people have the morning schedule I do. I really don’t want to wake up earlier than 4:30. Sometimes I do, but that is usually due to things unplanned and I spend the time trying to get some sleep before it’s time to get up, which is usually unsuccessful, but I’m too stubborn to just get up and get on with the day. Maybe one day I’ll learn not to be so stubborn. So mornings right now are difficult. I will say that I did notice a difference in myself, at least, and I really liked that change and would like it to be more constant, but it may just have to wait till the growing season is over. LOL

I have been escaping and not doing the crafts that I have been wanting to do. Instead, I’ve been playing a video game. I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is. It’s what I do to avoid my life. I am spending time on the weekends applying for jobs, so I’m not completely blocking out all my responsibilities, and I am taking time to spruce up small areas in my house. I am trying to improve the home in the best ways that I can at the moment with decorations and small things. I want to get a mirror for the living room and redo my bathroom by painting and decorating it since I can’t afford a renovation that it desperately needs. I got a couple of really stylized brooms that are on the small size, around 2 feet each, that I am excited to decorate and hang in the entryway. I think I’m going to do four and make it the four seasons as I have a space for each one. But for now, I have two. I bought some moss and some clay to make some mushrooms yesterday and am planning to use some of my supplies, like bottles, beads, semi-precious stones that are wire wrapped, silk flowers and leave and whatnot to decorate them. So I’m excited about that. The remainder of the moss will be used to decorate the mirror frames and a few other things. I also want to have a running shelf along the top of my kitchen above the cabinets, so I’m going to look into possible wood trim to make it. I’d like to hang dried herbs and flowers from my garden from it as well. Small things that will make my home more like mine.

I started a local crochet/knitting group this last week. I realized that I really need to get out and make real life friends, get off the internet, expecting friendships to become something more, and do the actions. The first meeting was Saturday and it was great! I was super excited to see 5 people show up! I expected none, so the fact that 5 showed up just thrilled me to my core. We are meeting again this Saturday, and honestly, I’m glad I did this and am looking forward to the future meetings!

I am slowly making small changes in my life. trying to remove some of the old drudgery that has shown that I have made no forward movement in my life. I’m making plans, many of which take far more money than I currently have, but I am confident that won’t be forever. I have been very timid and shy about getting out of my life, changing my path, and have the courage to do the things I want to do. Now, I’m letting myself out, if in no other space than my own home. I’m expressing myself, allowing me to take over my personal space fully, no longer feeling like I’m doing the home a disservice by keeping it as I got it. My hope is that through the small changes, the bigger ones will come and complete the house and make it what I want and dream of. With those changes, I hope to make my life more authentically mine in small steps till I’m where I always wanted to be.